Out of the Shadows

One of the things I appreciated most about my experience at Burlington College was that, compared to other institutions, it was a space where one could discuss aspects of their lives that they otherwise would not or could not talk about. Students were given the opportunity to express themselves about everything from their stuggles with addiction and mental illness to their service in military combat. From my experience, this is not necessarily the norm in academia, where students are strongly discouraged from discussing their personal lives and instead pushed to objectively focus on the material at hand. 

As Bruce K. Alexander argues in The Globalisation of Addiction, we live in an increasingly dislocated world. The bonds between ourselves, our communities, and our society continue to fray. The effects of severe dislocation are dramatic, including addiction, mental illness, violence, and other destructive and anti-social behaviors. We simultaneously live in a society that promotes impersonality and invulnerability, whether it be in our schools, our workplaces, or even our relationships. We are conditioned to say "I'm fine" or "I'm okay" even when we're not, and to accept such responses even when we know they're not true. So even though we as individuals are stuggling with a multitude of issues, we have few outlets through which to express them and work through them. 

Even more unfortunately, men in particular are strongly discouraged from expressing feeling and emotion. Our culture's ideal man is one who is strong and stoic, able to withstand all that is thrown at him without batting an eye. To the extent that men are allowed to express any emotion, that emotion is anger. Destructive behaviors and risky activities often become the only "acceptable" outlets for the emotionally frustrated man.

Stigmatization is a huge problem when it comes to issues like addiction and mental health. They are often taboo topics that both individuals and organizations often don't know to handle when they encounter them, if they want to handle them at all. I have been personally affected by this, as my conditional acceptance into the AmeriCorps program was withdrawn after I self-reported having depression and anxiety. They claimed that they could not "accommodate" my conditions in light of the panic attack that I had had a few months prior. It is unfortunate to recognize that with all certainty I would be in California right now if not for my honest disclosure. 

It is also unfortunate that even now I feel reluctant to discuss my anxiety and depression, even with members of my own family. I have struggled with these issues for years without any open acknowledgement and without seeking treatment until recently. Part of it is my (false) belief that although I have these conditions somehow they are not as bad as what other people go through and therefore I have no right to say anything about them. Part of it is the fear that other people's perception of me will change once they realize that the seemingly calm, cool and collected young man they think they know is just as tightly-wound and insecure as the next person. Only in the aftermath of the AmeriCorps debacle have I begun to openly deal with these issues, by receiving counseling and becoming involved with an area support group. 

No longer will I allow myself to deal with this alone. I hope that we as a society can recognize that these issues exist, and that they need to be handled without the attachment of stigma or taboo. Everyone should be able to have spaces they can express these matters without feeling the need to be impersonal or invulnerable. Everyone should have access to the treatments and supports that they need to work through these issues. No longer can we allow them to remain hidden in the shadows as we have done for so long.

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Why Men Need to Denounce Trump

Donald Trump represents exactly what is wrong with our notions of masculinity within this society. It is unfortunate to see so many men (and women) treating his behavior and words as excusable, acceptable, or even desirable. There should be nothing “normal” about a man who incites violence, engages in abusive tactics, and brags about sexually assaulting women. Yet there are many who see absolutely nothing wrong with this. This needs to change.

Many Trump supporters claim that they are backing him because he will revitalize the American economy, and that his offensive behaviors and sayings don’t matter. They couldn’t be more wrong, however. Like it or not, the President of the United States serves as the most visible public figure in the world. Aside from their official political duties, they also serve as a role model, particularly for the youth of this country and the rest of the world.

Imagine the impression that a Trump presidency would have on a boy growing up in America today. Hell, what impression has his candidacy already left? That it’s okay for men to objectify and assault women? That false bravado and machismo are desired qualities in a man? That the key to success is insulting everyone in your path and conning your way to the top?

The simple fact is that today’s youth have too few real positive role models to begin with. This dearth is especially glaring when it comes to role models for positive expressions of masculinity. Sure they exist, but too often their message is drowned out by those who are louder and more aggressive in promoting their hyper-masculine persona. Our culture, particularly the media, does a rather poor job of elevating those positive models and denouncing the negative ones.

Take, for instance, the culture of sports in this country. Athletes at all levels, whether they be amateurs, collegiates, or professionals, engage in activities that should not be considered acceptable by society: verbal insult, drunken celebrations, hazing, domestic abuse, sexual assault, and behaviors destructive of both self and others like drunk and drugged driving. In some cases, these activities are tolerated or even perpetuated (think rape culture). To the extent that officials attempt to discipline athletes, the worst penalties are assessed on those who threaten the “integrity of the game” (cheating, gambling, PED use). Those who assault, abuse, and injure are more often than not given a “second chance” and allowed to reenter their respective sports with little problem.

Sweeping these so-called “off the field” issues under the rug sends the wrong message to this country’s young men: the game and your career is always more important than the actual consequences of your actions. The primacy of the game can also be seen when leagues attempt to make their sports safer. Fans complain that the traditional game is being degraded and emasculated, weakening their entertainment value. Donald Trump himself has criticized the NFL’s new rules attempting to reduce concussions as making the league “softer”. In other words, violence and aggression are valued over safety and preventing player injuries.

The problems with sports are just a microcosm of the larger masculinity crisis that America faces today. Violent acts, gun crimes, and suicide are all committed at vastly higher rates by men than by women. Men regularly assault women (and other men) verbally, emotionally, physically and sexually, often with little to no repercussion. Men routinely engage in racist, sexist, homophobic, and transphobic behaviors, which not so coincidentally are leading forces behind Donald Trump’s campaign.

All of this needs to stop, but to do so we need to stop promoting the toxic forms of masculinity that produce them in the first place. We need to stop glamorizing violent, aggressive, and insulting behavior. We need to stop glorifying male sexual conquest and the objectification of women. We need to to stop portraying destructive behaviors as acceptable outlets for male emotional expression. And we need to denounce those like Donald Trump who represent these toxic ideals.

I am a man, and I am a feminist. I believe that these toxic forms of masculinity harm both women and men alike. Men need to finally both perceive and treat women as the equals that they are. We need to move past the idea that the paradigmatic relationship between a man and a woman is sexual one, and work to promote healthy platonic cross-sex relationships. Perhaps most importantly, we need to redefine what masculinity is, what it means to be a man. Until we do, the crisis we face today will only get worse. Let us turn Trump into a relic of the past, not a harbinger of things to come.

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