On Gun Control, Disarmament, and Demilitarization

There has been a renewed call for gun control legislation by liberals in the wake of the recent school shooting in Parkland, Florida, just one of many daily acts of gun violence that take place in the United States. Given the size and scope of the problem, this response is reasonable. However, I am concerned that the push for such policies misses the broader problems presented to American society, and may not serve as the silver bullet, so to speak, that liberals believe them to be.

The United States is the most heavily armed and militarized country in the history of humanity. However, when liberals call for gun control, they are only referring to reducing and/or eliminating the possession of guns by the civilian population. While doing so is certainly a worthy goal, it is woefully incomplete. In my opinion, the following steps should also be taken to demilitarize and disarm the United States: elimination of the US's stockpile of nuclear, chemical, and biological weapons; banning of arms exports to foreign countries and non-state actors; withdrawal of US special operations and other armed forces stationed abroad; closure of US military bases in foreign countries; demilitarization of US law enforcement; and disarming of US police forces. These policy changes would go a long way toward reducing the (usually ignored) systemic violence perpetrated by the US government against populations both foreign and domestic.

Of course, such policies would not necessarily address the culture of violence that emanates through American society. Much of this culture is based on the masculine ideology that I have referred to before, which may be more pervasive and deep-rooted in the United States than in any other nation. (There is no more perfect example of this than the militarism and violence associated with American football - which has been dubbed the "national religion" of the United States.) Confronting this masculine ideology head-on with a broad-based feminist movement is thus also a major prerequisite toward reducing gun violence and militarism in the US.

In addition to these measures, attention must be paid to other factors that contribute to the demand for and use of guns in the US. As Johann Hari points out, one of the most significant is the War on Drugs - or, perhaps more accurately, the "War for Drugs" - the fight among criminals for control of the drug trade. This "drug-related violence" - acts done to establish, protect, and defend drug territory in an illegal market - could effectively be eliminated with the legalization of narcotics. Some experts have estimated that ending drug prohibition could reduce the murder rate by as much as 75%.

There has also been much discussion around the relationship between mental illness and gun violence. For instance, liberals have derided President Trump's decision last year to repeal a rule blocking mentally ill people from buying guns. While such policies certainly have merit, there must be caution regarding potential unintended consequences. I and others noted at the time that such a policy may actually discourage those with mental illness from seeking counseling and treatment, for fear that they may lose access to their guns - potentially exacerbating the problem. It is important to work to destigmatize mental illness and ensure access to treatment and care for all those who do have mental and emotional health issues.

As long as we do continue to have such a prolific quantity of guns in American society, it is also important to educate the public about proper use, handling, and storage of said firearms, particularly among youth. Liberals have generally ignored or rejected such an approach, on grounds that sound similar to the conservative arguments for "abstinence-only" education and "Just Say No" drug policy. Encouraging ignorance does nothing to address the problem of accidental shootings that seem increasingly common in American society any more than it did for teenage pregnancies or drug overdoses.

This is certainly not a complete assessment of the causes of gun violence and issues related to gun control policy in the US. I have not discussed, for instance, the role of poverty in gun violence, the history of the racial politics of gun control, or the need to build trust within communities as a potential solution. However, I hope I have laid out a way of looking at gun violence and gun control that moves beyond the traditional liberal-conservative dichotomy and encourages a deeper, reality-based conversation

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On Objectification and Possessiveness

One of the major consequences of patriarchy in our society is the dehumanization and objectification of women. Despite decades of feminists working to tear down sexism and misogyny, far too many men still treat women as sexual objects to be used primarily for their sexual gratification. Following from this objectification is a possessive attitude toward women, in which men believe that they can “own” or “possess” women. Thus men attempt to assert their control and dominance over women - often using their elevated standing within society to do so.

The #MeToo movement has helped to shine a light on this toxic power dynamic between men and women. We have seen case after case of men who have acted upon this possessive attitude and used the power they have over women to exploit them to satisfy their own sexual impulses. Women ranging from Hollywood actresses to Olympic athletes saw their careers threatened with ruin unless they complied with the wishes of their male superiors and authority-figures. Moreover, it must be understood that this behavior has affected women of all classes, perhaps even more so those on the lower rungs of society. Women in the restaurant industry, for instance, face harassment on a constant basis, yet feel they have little ability to respond because doing so could threaten their tip-dependent wages. All of this occurs because women are viewed as objects to be owned and controlled, not fellow human beings to be treated with - at the very least - respect. 

This culture of possessiveness is also very evident in the casual language used around human relationships. It seems that no one ever stops and thinks what phrases such as “my girl”, “my baby”, and “she’s mine” really mean in the context of romance and sexuality. Unfortunately, they are more accurate they we would care to admit in describing how men too often view their female partners. Why, then, should we be surprised by the prolific nature of domestic violence and sexual assault in a society where men feel that they control women and openly use language to that effect?

Of course, one should point out that women, too, objectify men and use similarly possessive language. I would argue, however, that this doesn’t make it any healthier or less toxic. (I can’t help but think back to the disturbing objectification of Tongan athlete Pita TaufatofuaIt during the opening ceremonies of the 2016 Olympic Games.) Instead, it is more a reflection of the reality that as women have gained more equality with men, they have increasingly adopted masculine culture and ideology, whereas men have not done the same regarding femininity. 

What we really need is a complete abandonment of the culture of objectification and possessiveness toward fellow human beings. Relationships, whether within or across genders, need to be based on principles of mutual respect, not on unequal power dynamics. This is particularly true for the interpersonal relationships in the workplace and other professional settings. In particular, women are still relatively new to these environments, and many men have yet to fully treat women as the colleagues that they are. Broadly speaking, these principles should apply to all interpersonal relationships and life partnerships, as I have written before.

Additionally, society itself needs to take measures to protect women from being controlled and exploited by men. We need to ensure that women are paid equally to men, and that their wages are not dependent on the tips of leering, groping customers. We need for women to have complete control over their bodies, not just in their access to reproductive services like contraception and abortion but also by ensuring that men practice consent in their sexual encounters. We also need to ensure that women who do bring forward allegations of domestic violence, sexual harassment and sexual assault are treated seriously, that the charges are investigated fully, and that perpetrators are held accountable for their actions.

Ultimately, the problem lies not so much in men as in the cult of masculinity that they have adopted, of which objectification and possessiveness are major components. Only when we tear down this ideology can we truly begin to break the stranglehold of patriarchy in our society.

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Dismantling Masculine Culture: A Vision for Male Feminism

Barbara Smith speaking at International Women's Strike in Albany, NY (March 8, 2017)

I am a man. I am a feminist. Contrary to what many believe, including both men and women, these two identities are not mutually exclusive. Unlike some, I do not subscribe to the belief that feminism is opposed to men, or that feminism is a movement for women only. On the contrary, feminism is a movement that supports equality across the gender spectrum. Feminism is not opposed to men, but rather to masculinity, and to the binary view of gender.

Yesterday (March 8) was International Women's Day. I attended the local International Women's Strike event here in Albany, one designed to promote the anti-capitalist roots of the day itself. The vast majority of participants in the event were women; I was one of the few men there. This was not unexpected, as feminism is and always has been a movement led by women and promoting women's interests.

Nonetheless, I think this presents a good opportunity to reflect on the role that men do and should play within the feminist movement. Many men do not believe that they can or should be feminists; even some female feminists believe the same thing. Thus men are reluctant to consider themselves as feminists in the first place, or participate in feminist movements or female-led events.

In general, issues of gender and sexuality are primarily looked at as being female fields, compared to other subjects. Consider that the vast majority of college students majoring in gender studies are women (this is also true of sociology in general). Additionally, walking into the average library or bookstore reveals that relative to other areas of feminism, there are far fewer works on masculinity. In many ways, feminism has become "female-only", focusing solely on female equality, and not on encouraging men and women to break down the culture of masculinity itself.

Lisa Wade, writing about hookup culture on American college campuses, succinctly describes the problem presented by such female-only feminism: "Feminists wanted this for women. They wanted them to have the right to put themselves first, to build impressive careers, and to have sex freely. And they got that. But they also wanted men to embrace having sex for love. They wanted to share with men the beauty of a life driven by empathy, care, and tenderness. That's not what happened. Instead, the average woman became more masculine, and so did the average man."

Aside from the obvious harm that masculine culture inflicts on women, many men are also harmed by it. Men are expected to conform to a specific brand of masculinity, one based on strength, competition, assertiveness, and aggression. Men who do not conform to this expectation are told to "man up" and to "be a man", as if being masculine and being a man are the same thing. This is especially harmful to queer and trans men, who are often targeted for the perceived inadequacy of their masculinity. Expressing emotion, sensitivity, or empathy is devalued and often frowned upon. Men who seek help for mental illness and addiction are stigmatized. At times, it seems that violence is the only acceptable way for men to express themselves.

Given these facts, it is clear to me that men have a necessary role to play in the feminist movement. Men should continue to serve as allies to the female-led women's rights movement. Men should be in the streets with women as they fight for equal pay, paid maternity and sick leave, and reproductive rights. Men need to stand alongside women who are survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault. Men need to support the global fights working to empower women to make their own decisions regarding their educations, careers, and marriages.

Yet there are other feminist fights that men should be taking the lead on. For instance, men need to be the ones challenging the sexual aggression and objectification of women that comprise rape culture. Men need to challenge the casual sexism and misogyny laden in our everyday language. Men need to challenge the hypermasculine definition of maleness, including that exhibited by our own president, one that too often leads to homophobia and transphobia. Men need to take a leading role in reconsidering our relationships with women as colleagues, as friends, and as romantic and life partners. Ultimately, just as white people need to play an integral role in the movement for racial justice, men need to play an integral role in the movement for gender equality.

It is certainly a mark of progress that women are increasingly entering traditionally male-dominated fields like business, politics, and the military. However, we must be mindful that so-called "lean-in feminism" is not enough. The value of this equality should come from breaking down the masculine cultures that mark these institutions, not adopting them. Unfortunately, it is clear that the women who enter these institutions are just as capable of maintaining hierarchies, exploiting those below them, and pursuing power and profit as the men they replace. Ultimately, masculine culture itself is the problem.

We must recognize the connection between masculine culture and other forms of oppression. We must recognize the masculine roots of racism and ethnocentrism, of chauvinism and xenophobia. Militarism, imperialism, and colonialism are all products of the masculine worldview. We can find the cult of masculinity behind the anthropocentrism driving our current ecological crises. Perhaps above all, we need to acknowledge just how strongly rooted masculine ideology is within capitalism, with its emphasis on individualism, competition, and exploitation. If we want to tear down these oppressive systems, we must look at masculinity as the ideology that holds them all up.

Our goal should be to build a society based on empathy, not dehumanization. A society of equality, not hierarchy; of interdependence, not domination. One of peace, life, and regeneration, not of war, death, and destruction. This is the vision we have, and an intersectional, cross-sex feminism is the best tool we have for getting there.

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Why Men Need to Denounce Trump

Donald Trump represents exactly what is wrong with our notions of masculinity within this society. It is unfortunate to see so many men (and women) treating his behavior and words as excusable, acceptable, or even desirable. There should be nothing “normal” about a man who incites violence, engages in abusive tactics, and brags about sexually assaulting women. Yet there are many who see absolutely nothing wrong with this. This needs to change.

Many Trump supporters claim that they are backing him because he will revitalize the American economy, and that his offensive behaviors and sayings don’t matter. They couldn’t be more wrong, however. Like it or not, the President of the United States serves as the most visible public figure in the world. Aside from their official political duties, they also serve as a role model, particularly for the youth of this country and the rest of the world.

Imagine the impression that a Trump presidency would have on a boy growing up in America today. Hell, what impression has his candidacy already left? That it’s okay for men to objectify and assault women? That false bravado and machismo are desired qualities in a man? That the key to success is insulting everyone in your path and conning your way to the top?

The simple fact is that today’s youth have too few real positive role models to begin with. This dearth is especially glaring when it comes to role models for positive expressions of masculinity. Sure they exist, but too often their message is drowned out by those who are louder and more aggressive in promoting their hyper-masculine persona. Our culture, particularly the media, does a rather poor job of elevating those positive models and denouncing the negative ones.

Take, for instance, the culture of sports in this country. Athletes at all levels, whether they be amateurs, collegiates, or professionals, engage in activities that should not be considered acceptable by society: verbal insult, drunken celebrations, hazing, domestic abuse, sexual assault, and behaviors destructive of both self and others like drunk and drugged driving. In some cases, these activities are tolerated or even perpetuated (think rape culture). To the extent that officials attempt to discipline athletes, the worst penalties are assessed on those who threaten the “integrity of the game” (cheating, gambling, PED use). Those who assault, abuse, and injure are more often than not given a “second chance” and allowed to reenter their respective sports with little problem.

Sweeping these so-called “off the field” issues under the rug sends the wrong message to this country’s young men: the game and your career is always more important than the actual consequences of your actions. The primacy of the game can also be seen when leagues attempt to make their sports safer. Fans complain that the traditional game is being degraded and emasculated, weakening their entertainment value. Donald Trump himself has criticized the NFL’s new rules attempting to reduce concussions as making the league “softer”. In other words, violence and aggression are valued over safety and preventing player injuries.

The problems with sports are just a microcosm of the larger masculinity crisis that America faces today. Violent acts, gun crimes, and suicide are all committed at vastly higher rates by men than by women. Men regularly assault women (and other men) verbally, emotionally, physically and sexually, often with little to no repercussion. Men routinely engage in racist, sexist, homophobic, and transphobic behaviors, which not so coincidentally are leading forces behind Donald Trump’s campaign.

All of this needs to stop, but to do so we need to stop promoting the toxic forms of masculinity that produce them in the first place. We need to stop glamorizing violent, aggressive, and insulting behavior. We need to stop glorifying male sexual conquest and the objectification of women. We need to to stop portraying destructive behaviors as acceptable outlets for male emotional expression. And we need to denounce those like Donald Trump who represent these toxic ideals.

I am a man, and I am a feminist. I believe that these toxic forms of masculinity harm both women and men alike. Men need to finally both perceive and treat women as the equals that they are. We need to move past the idea that the paradigmatic relationship between a man and a woman is sexual one, and work to promote healthy platonic cross-sex relationships. Perhaps most importantly, we need to redefine what masculinity is, what it means to be a man. Until we do, the crisis we face today will only get worse. Let us turn Trump into a relic of the past, not a harbinger of things to come.

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On Masculinity: Why Men and Women Need to be Friends

Last night, I watched a very powerful documentary, The Mask You Live In, dealing with how our society defines masculinity and the impact this has on the boys and young men who grow up into it. I will admit, some elements of the film resonated a bit too close to home for me. For instance, the film discusses the pressure that boys are put under to exhibit athleticism. I remember being the unathletic kid in elementary school, the one who would probably rather go off and read a book than be forced to play kickball or dodgeball. Not surprisingly, I was usually the last boy picked for a team in gym class, often even behind many of the girls in the class.

Perhaps it was this lack of athleticism, and a general perceived lack of physical ability, that by the fourth grade led some of my male classmates to develop the idea that I was gay. It wasn’t true, of course, but I decided to play into it, acting or pretending like I was and at times doing so to creep out my friends. To some extent it was all in good fun, and it was something that passed quickly, but the memory of this still bothers me to this day.

The film also described how boys are taught from an early age that they should not express emotion, especially around other boys. I can say that this is true from personal experience. Growing up, through middle school and into high school, almost all of the friends that I had were guys. When we hung out together, however, we almost never talked about ourselves, how we were feeling, or anything that might be bothering us. Instead, we would play wiffle ball in the backyard or video games in the basement or stroll over to the park to play basketball. We talked about innocuous topics like sports or maybe even school; to talk about anything deeper would have been strange, and I don’t think was ever seriously considered.

When young men can only interact with other young men under this mask of masculinity, they are not given the appropriate outlet for their feelings, their emotions, their loneliness. The only real emotion they are allowed to express is anger. The consequence of this, of course, is destructive, even violent behavior. Men may try to cope with these issues through using drugs, consuming copious amounts of alcohol, and engaging in reckless and risky behavior. (These are activities that I saw more than my fair share of once I went off to college.) With unfortunate regularity, men commit sexual assault, domestic abuse, and even deadly acts like homicide and suicide; the most extreme cases may resort to mass murder.

As this documentary shows, media does little to curb this problem. Movies and television commonly depict male characters who exhibit aggressive and violent behavior. Video games allow young men to take on the role of these characters. Media, in other words, has normalized violence to such an extent that many if not most young men are almost completely desensitized to violence. They may believe, in fact, that violence is how men are supposed to deal with conflict; indeed, that it is the only possible way.

This fact was driven home for me a few years ago when I was working with summer school students who were on the verge of entering high school. The vast majority of these students were boys, many of whom lived in neighborhoods where gang activity was prevalent. (Young people, especially young men, often turn to gang life as a way of feeling a sense of belonging.) Even at a young age, these kids had learned what they could and could not wear, what they could and could not have on themselves, where they could and could not walk, and who they could and could not associate with. For them, it was a matter of everyday survival. Although my job was to teach them tools to use to resolve conflicts, I was forced to ask myself what I could possibly teach young people who’ve grown up in environments where the only way of dealing with conflict was through violence.

There is something else that boys and young men are taught that also has very grave effects on society: that they can’t be friends with girls. Think about the extent to which boys and girls are segregated from a very young age. I remember how in elementary school the girls and boys had to sit at separate lunch tables. In gym class the guys would be on one side playing basketball while the girls would be on the other side jumping rope or playing some other game. My main social activity outside of school was Cub Scouts (and later Boy Scouts), which was made up solely of other boys. As I mentioned above, even into high school virtually all of my friends were guys, a fact made even starker by the reality that I never had a girlfriend. It was not until probably my junior year of high school that I had friends who were girls, but even then these were not particularly close; we almost never hung out outside of school.

The fact is that most men simply do not know how to relate to women outside of a romantic or sexual context. This is for at least three reasons: men believe that they are in some way superior to women; men have been taught that they are inherently very different from women, with little common ground; and men have grown up learning to sexualize and objectify women. These points are the product of the forces of socialization (family, school, church, media, and peer groups), reinforced by gender segregation (both voluntary and enforced).

Think about it this way: only in the last 30 years or so has it been seriously considered that men and women could have relationships outside of a romantic/sexual context. Prior to recent decades, men rarely interacted with a non-familial woman unless he was courting her. Women were simply not present in the school, or the workplace, or the social circle. However, as this began to change, men reacted in the only way they apparently knew how: by making undesired sexual advances on their new female classmates and colleagues. The idea of having purely professional, collegial, or even friendly relationships with women was simply too foreign, and unfortunately little has changed in our culture in that regard. Perhaps this provides some guidance as to why there is still such a prevalence of sexual harassment and assault in the workplace, on college campuses, and in institutions like the US military and even the US Senate.

Society, especially through the media, has continued to sexualize women and objectify their bodies. So-called women’s professions like teaching, nursing, and secretarial work have been sexualized in the minds of men trying to rationalize a situation that to them otherwise lacks the appropriate context. Male-dominated subcultures (like professional football, video gaming, and the comic industry) have also hypersexualized females. Just look at the cheerleaders on the sideline of an NFL game, the models depicted in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition, or the accentuated (and exposed) body parts on female video game and comic book characters.

Pornography is a large part of the problem too, as the documentary shows. A lot of porn portrays women as being either highly sexually aggressive or submissive toward men. When these images are present in the minds of young men, they go out into the world thinking that women are much more sexually aggressive or submissive than they actually are. Unfortunately, this gives birth to the idea that women are “asking for it”, that if they dress or act a certain way then they must want sex. A culture that constantly objectifies and sexualizes women creates a perception about their intentions that is almost universally completely and utterly false.

One of the most commonly held beliefs about men and women is that the idea of friendship between them is just a myth. If a man and a woman become friends, it is either because at least one of them wants romance or sex, or because at least one of them is not straight. However, this is simply not true (and again, I can vouch for this out of experience). As I’ve been getting at, this is the challenge:

Boys and girls form their own gender groups in elementary school. They learn their own ways of relating to each other. So when they do get together inspired by puberty, they see each other as dating partners because they’ve never really known each other as friends.

However, this is the reality (emphasis mine):

Platonic love does exist… “friendship attraction”, or a connection devoid of lust, is a bona fide type of bond that people experience. Distinguishing between romantic, sexual, and friendly feelings, however, can be exceedingly difficult. People don’t know what feelings are appropriate toward the opposite sex, unless they’re what our culture defines as appropriate. You know you love someone and enjoy them as a person, but not enough to date or marry them. What does this mean?

In other words, although it happens in practice, it is not yet culturally acceptable for a “regular guy” and a “regular girl” to be “just friends” because society has not come up with a label for it yet. The benefits, though, are enormous, especially for the male friend. “Close male-female friends are extremely emotionally supportive if they continuously examine their feelings, opinions and ideas. Males appreciate this because it tends not to be a part of their same-sex friendships”. Men who become friends with women thus are able to find the outlet to express their emotions that they had been previously lacking.

Growing up, I was always conscious of the fact that I wanted someone that I could talk to, that could support me emotionally and psychologically, that I could express my feelings to without judgment. I lacked that until I was well into college, and even then it has been difficult to escape the notions about being emotional that I have been ingrained with (I remember being told by my mother once that I was too emotional about things). To be honest, I don’t remember the last time I cried; now, even if I want to, I find it nearly physically impossible to do so. I still feel uncomfortable telling people when I’m feeling depressed, or anxious; it’s just not what I do, let alone what a guy does. I’m not supposed to burden other people with my problems. I’m supposed to suck it up and deal with it. In other words, I’m supposed to “be a man”.

I am grateful, though, to today have mentors and friends (almost all of whom are female) that are supportive of me. I’ve found that it has been in the presence of women, not men, that I have been given the opportunity and the space to voice my thoughts, to express my feelings, my anger, my frustration, and to seek guidance.

Yet it still feels weird, given what this culture has taught us. Is it strange for a guy to have women as his best friends? What do others think when they see me with a female friend? That we’re dating? And that if not, I must be gay? I don’t know, maybe I’m just too self-conscious, but I can just imagine that this is what people actually think.

To a certain extent, it pains me when my female friends tell me that I’m not like other guys, or that they wish other guys were like me. What that tells me is that other guys don’t know how to show respect to women. What that tells me is that other guys are too caught up in their own masculinity to be able to be sensitive or emotionally supportive toward women. What that tells me is that the only thing other guys can think about in relation to women is sex. This is what our culture and our society have done, and it makes me sick.

What we need to do, as a culture, as a society, is to stop promoting hypermasculinity as the standard of maleness, and to stop sexualizing and objectifying women. We need to stop normalizing violence in our media and in our communities, and to stop dehumanizing the victims of violence. We need to recognize that men and women are equals, that we are far more alike than we are apart. Perhaps above all, we need to promote and normalize positive images of the non-sexual, non-romantic, male-female relationship. Maybe then young men will start seeing women as classmates, colleagues, and friends in the way that they should.

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