Out of the Shadows

One of the things I appreciated most about my experience at Burlington College was that, compared to other institutions, it was a space where one could discuss aspects of their lives that they otherwise would not or could not talk about. Students were given the opportunity to express themselves about everything from their stuggles with addiction and mental illness to their service in military combat. From my experience, this is not necessarily the norm in academia, where students are strongly discouraged from discussing their personal lives and instead pushed to objectively focus on the material at hand. 

As Bruce K. Alexander argues in The Globalisation of Addiction, we live in an increasingly dislocated world. The bonds between ourselves, our communities, and our society continue to fray. The effects of severe dislocation are dramatic, including addiction, mental illness, violence, and other destructive and anti-social behaviors. We simultaneously live in a society that promotes impersonality and invulnerability, whether it be in our schools, our workplaces, or even our relationships. We are conditioned to say "I'm fine" or "I'm okay" even when we're not, and to accept such responses even when we know they're not true. So even though we as individuals are stuggling with a multitude of issues, we have few outlets through which to express them and work through them. 

Even more unfortunately, men in particular are strongly discouraged from expressing feeling and emotion. Our culture's ideal man is one who is strong and stoic, able to withstand all that is thrown at him without batting an eye. To the extent that men are allowed to express any emotion, that emotion is anger. Destructive behaviors and risky activities often become the only "acceptable" outlets for the emotionally frustrated man.

Stigmatization is a huge problem when it comes to issues like addiction and mental health. They are often taboo topics that both individuals and organizations often don't know to handle when they encounter them, if they want to handle them at all. I have been personally affected by this, as my conditional acceptance into the AmeriCorps program was withdrawn after I self-reported having depression and anxiety. They claimed that they could not "accommodate" my conditions in light of the panic attack that I had had a few months prior. It is unfortunate to recognize that with all certainty I would be in California right now if not for my honest disclosure. 

It is also unfortunate that even now I feel reluctant to discuss my anxiety and depression, even with members of my own family. I have struggled with these issues for years without any open acknowledgement and without seeking treatment until recently. Part of it is my (false) belief that although I have these conditions somehow they are not as bad as what other people go through and therefore I have no right to say anything about them. Part of it is the fear that other people's perception of me will change once they realize that the seemingly calm, cool and collected young man they think they know is just as tightly-wound and insecure as the next person. Only in the aftermath of the AmeriCorps debacle have I begun to openly deal with these issues, by receiving counseling and becoming involved with an area support group. 

No longer will I allow myself to deal with this alone. I hope that we as a society can recognize that these issues exist, and that they need to be handled without the attachment of stigma or taboo. Everyone should be able to have spaces they can express these matters without feeling the need to be impersonal or invulnerable. Everyone should have access to the treatments and supports that they need to work through these issues. No longer can we allow them to remain hidden in the shadows as we have done for so long.