A Tale of Two Colleges

Earlier this evening, I finished reading Part II of Johann Hari's Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression - and the Unexpected Solutions. In this part, Hari lays out what he describes as the nine real causes of depression and anxiety, each of which are tied to the concept of disconnection. As I read through these, I realized that what he was describing would serve as a remarkable lens through which to contrast my college experiences at Fordham University and Burlington College. In this post, I will do exactly that, by briefly examining whether or not the six environmental factors Hari has identified were present during my experience at each school. (I will not examine the three psychological/biological factors, as those are not directly applicable.)

Cause One: Disconnection from Meaningful Work
At Fordham University, I came to feel that the work that I was doing there had little meaning, that it lacked connection to the realities of the world beyond the campus. Additionally, I had almost no control over determining what the work was that I would be doing in the first place. My course schedule was almost completely prescribed for me, and would remain so for the foreseeable future. I had no input into the content of each course, and little leeway regarding the parameters of the individual assignments. This lack of control led me to feel disempowered and disillusioned regarding my own education.

At Burlington College, however, the situation was almost the exact opposite. Every single class that I took there had direct connections to the problems of modern society. I had much more flexibility in determining which courses I would be taking in route to my major. In some classes my fellow classmates and I had the ability to actually determine what we wanted to study and explore. Almost every professor gave me the opportunity to conduct open-ended research, and present the results to my peers. As a result, my education felt much more self-directed, and in turn more meaningful.

Cause Two: Disconnection from Other People
Despite attending a school with thousands of other students, in the largest city in the United States. I felt very lonely at Fordham University. I formed no meaningful friendships, either on- or off-campus. I spent most of my time alone outside of the classroom, even on the occasions when I decided to venture out into New York City. I felt no connection to my roommate, the other students in my residence hall, or my classmates. I had no real relationships with any professors or staff. In fact, it got to the point where I convinced myself that being a loner was my natural status in life. It is extraordinary to me to think that upon leaving Fordham, there was no one there that I felt the need to say goodbye to.

Burlington, of course, was a much smaller city, and Burlington College was one of the smallest schools in the country. Despite this - or perhaps because of it - I was able to develop a strong sense of community at multiple levels. I formed the closest friendships of my life while living at the Cottage, the on-campus residence hall. In general, I had solid relationships with my fellow housemates, classmates, and other students at the school. As my best friend told me during my second semester there, I had really "come out of my shell"; I could feel my social anxiety fading with each passing day. I was also able to form connections with my professors, the staff, and even to some extent the president of the school. I felt a genuine sense of pride in attending Burlington College, a sense that we were all "in this together". Unlike in New York City, I also was able to form some connections off campus. Overall, I felt a much strong sense of community while living in Burlington, compared to my time in the Bronx.

Cause Three: Disconnection from Meaningful Values
One of the initial factors in the process that led me away from Fordham was when I began to question why I was there in the first place. I came to realize that my motivation was almost exclusively extrinsic (a term I only discovered upon reading in Hari's book). In other words, I was attending classes and doing assignments not because I really wanted to, but because I felt I had to. I viewed it as me simply trying to get the grades, so I could get the credits, so I could get a degree in the end. It was nothing more than credentialization. Eventually, as my depression worsened this extrinsic motivation was no longer strong enough, and I stopped doing assignments for some classes altogether. This led me to fail a class entirely, for the first and only time in my life.

When I submitted my personal statement to Burlington College as part of my application, I stated that I sought knowledge for its own sake. For the most part, that was exactly what I was able to do there. I attended classes and completed assignments because I was genuinely interested in and engaged with the subject at hand. There were numerous instances where I would go beyond the requirements of an assignment simply because I wanted to. I felt real pride in my work, something that had been absent in my time at Fordham. In Burlington, the emphasis was far less on the outcome and more on the process of learning itself. As a result, I was able to return to a state of academic success and intellectual enrichment that was far more familiar to me.

Cause Five: Disconnection from Status and Respect
For me, my time in New York City was a classic example of "be careful what you wish for". One of the motivating factors that led me to Fordham in the first place was a desire for "anonymity", for the ability to "blend into the crowd". As I learned, however, that was not what I had hoped it would be. I felt a depleted sense of identity, as if I was a "nobody" compared to previous experiences. I felt that I lacked the respect of my peers - and to be honest, felt little respect for them as well. Perhaps most devastatingly, for the first time in my life, I felt as if I was not "smart", as if I had nothing meaningful to contribute to conversations either inside or outside the classroom.

At Burlington College, I experienced something dramatically different: popularity, or at least some version of it. My friends genuinely seemed to value the time they spent with me and the conversations we had together. At times it almost seemed as if they were competing for my attention! My housemates had so much respect for me that they effectively drafted me to run for president of student government - an office they then voted me into. While serving as student-body president, I felt a sense of responsibility and duty to my peers, unlike anything else I had ever experienced. The remarkable thing about all of this was that this popularity and respect was based not on my academic ability but rather on my actual personality - a truly heart-warming fact.

Cause Six: Disconnection from the Natural World
When I first applied to Fordham, I had the option to choose either Lincoln Center in Manhattan or Rose Hill in the Bronx for my campus. I chose Rose Hill, because I wanted a "real campus", one with green space and trees and things like that. I must admit that it was actually a beautiful campus, with a well-manicured landscape. However, with every day that I spent there my opinion began to shift, and I felt that this beauty was achieved simply through artificial means. I could hear the landscapers constantly outside my room with their lawnmowers and leaf blowers. There was very little "natural" about it, which became only more apparent the more I read Henry David Thoreau's Walden. The fact that the world beyond the campus gates was the concrete jungle of New York only increased my sense of isolation form the natural world.

Burlington College, on the other hand, could not have been placed in a much more beautiful setting if it tried. On one side there was a view of Lake Champlain and the Adirondack Mountains in the distance; on the other was the Green Mountains. At night when I left my windows open in my dorm room, all I would hear were the sounds of wind blowing through the trees, the waves of the lake lapping on the shore, and the insects chirping and buzzing in the late summer air. I took frequent walks - both alone and with friends - through the myriad parks and trails that surrounded the school. The campus itself featured a large, hilly field dotted with trees, which by springtime I found myself reading books under. It was in Vermont that I discovered just how beautiful - and dark - the night sky could be.

Cause Seven: Disconnection from a Hopeful and Secure Future
For the first month or so I spent at Fordham, I had a number of issues. I spent much of that time busy, sick, and broke. However, I felt that those would pass and that I would end up having a great experience. By October that illusion vanished. When I returned home for Columbus Day weekend it fully dawned on me just how much I disliked being there, and found that I had absolutely zero desire to return to campus. From that point on, I knew I had no future at Fordham. My desperation became so bad that I began to consider dropping out of school altogether. The only thing that kept me going through the end of the semester was the prospect of being able to transfer to Burlington College.

In Burlington, the one significant problem I did have was a near-constant state of anxiety that I experienced: the existential fear that my time at Burlington College would come to a premature end. This fear was driven by both my own personal financial problems as well as those of the school itself - and which unfortunately were proven justified when the school abruptly closed just one year into my attendance. The odd silver-lining was that this anxiety drove me to try to get the most out of my experience at Burlington College, as if any given day could be my last one there. And, for the most part, I was able to do exactly that.

Conclusion
I spent much of my time at Fordham - and the period immediately afterward - in a state of severe depression, one of the most severe episodes of my life. It is not hard to see why. I was doing meaningless work to which I assigned little value, surrounded by people I felt little connection to or respect for, while being almost completely isolated from the natural world. It was, simply put, the single worst experience of my life.

Burlington College, meanwhile, was the happiest period of my life. I built strong relationships with people built on shared experiences and mutual respect, did meaningful and relevant work that I valued for its own sake, and was in a community that recognized the importance of its relationship to the natural world. Unfortunately, that experience came to a premature end, and I have found it difficult to move on with my life in the aftermath of the school's closure. In many ways, that sudden severing of connections at so many different levels was a traumatic experience for me, one that I may never fully recover from. However, the lessons I learned there will stay with me forever, and will guide me as I continue the project of rebuilding my life.

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On Gun Control, Disarmament, and Demilitarization

There has been a renewed call for gun control legislation by liberals in the wake of the recent school shooting in Parkland, Florida, just one of many daily acts of gun violence that take place in the United States. Given the size and scope of the problem, this response is reasonable. However, I am concerned that the push for such policies misses the broader problems presented to American society, and may not serve as the silver bullet, so to speak, that liberals believe them to be.

The United States is the most heavily armed and militarized country in the history of humanity. However, when liberals call for gun control, they are only referring to reducing and/or eliminating the possession of guns by the civilian population. While doing so is certainly a worthy goal, it is woefully incomplete. In my opinion, the following steps should also be taken to demilitarize and disarm the United States: elimination of the US's stockpile of nuclear, chemical, and biological weapons; banning of arms exports to foreign countries and non-state actors; withdrawal of US special operations and other armed forces stationed abroad; closure of US military bases in foreign countries; demilitarization of US law enforcement; and disarming of US police forces. These policy changes would go a long way toward reducing the (usually ignored) systemic violence perpetrated by the US government against populations both foreign and domestic.

Of course, such policies would not necessarily address the culture of violence that emanates through American society. Much of this culture is based on the masculine ideology that I have referred to before, which may be more pervasive and deep-rooted in the United States than in any other nation. (There is no more perfect example of this than the militarism and violence associated with American football - which has been dubbed the "national religion" of the United States.) Confronting this masculine ideology head-on with a broad-based feminist movement is thus also a major prerequisite toward reducing gun violence and militarism in the US.

In addition to these measures, attention must be paid to other factors that contribute to the demand for and use of guns in the US. As Johann Hari points out, one of the most significant is the War on Drugs - or, perhaps more accurately, the "War for Drugs" - the fight among criminals for control of the drug trade. This "drug-related violence" - acts done to establish, protect, and defend drug territory in an illegal market - could effectively be eliminated with the legalization of narcotics. Some experts have estimated that ending drug prohibition could reduce the murder rate by as much as 75%.

There has also been much discussion around the relationship between mental illness and gun violence. For instance, liberals have derided President Trump's decision last year to repeal a rule blocking mentally ill people from buying guns. While such policies certainly have merit, there must be caution regarding potential unintended consequences. I and others noted at the time that such a policy may actually discourage those with mental illness from seeking counseling and treatment, for fear that they may lose access to their guns - potentially exacerbating the problem. It is important to work to destigmatize mental illness and ensure access to treatment and care for all those who do have mental and emotional health issues.

As long as we do continue to have such a prolific quantity of guns in American society, it is also important to educate the public about proper use, handling, and storage of said firearms, particularly among youth. Liberals have generally ignored or rejected such an approach, on grounds that sound similar to the conservative arguments for "abstinence-only" education and "Just Say No" drug policy. Encouraging ignorance does nothing to address the problem of accidental shootings that seem increasingly common in American society any more than it did for teenage pregnancies or drug overdoses.

This is certainly not a complete assessment of the causes of gun violence and issues related to gun control policy in the US. I have not discussed, for instance, the role of poverty in gun violence, the history of the racial politics of gun control, or the need to build trust within communities as a potential solution. However, I hope I have laid out a way of looking at gun violence and gun control that moves beyond the traditional liberal-conservative dichotomy and encourages a deeper, reality-based conversation

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On Objectification and Possessiveness

One of the major consequences of patriarchy in our society is the dehumanization and objectification of women. Despite decades of feminists working to tear down sexism and misogyny, far too many men still treat women as sexual objects to be used primarily for their sexual gratification. Following from this objectification is a possessive attitude toward women, in which men believe that they can “own” or “possess” women. Thus men attempt to assert their control and dominance over women - often using their elevated standing within society to do so.

The #MeToo movement has helped to shine a light on this toxic power dynamic between men and women. We have seen case after case of men who have acted upon this possessive attitude and used the power they have over women to exploit them to satisfy their own sexual impulses. Women ranging from Hollywood actresses to Olympic athletes saw their careers threatened with ruin unless they complied with the wishes of their male superiors and authority-figures. Moreover, it must be understood that this behavior has affected women of all classes, perhaps even more so those on the lower rungs of society. Women in the restaurant industry, for instance, face harassment on a constant basis, yet feel they have little ability to respond because doing so could threaten their tip-dependent wages. All of this occurs because women are viewed as objects to be owned and controlled, not fellow human beings to be treated with - at the very least - respect. 

This culture of possessiveness is also very evident in the casual language used around human relationships. It seems that no one ever stops and thinks what phrases such as “my girl”, “my baby”, and “she’s mine” really mean in the context of romance and sexuality. Unfortunately, they are more accurate they we would care to admit in describing how men too often view their female partners. Why, then, should we be surprised by the prolific nature of domestic violence and sexual assault in a society where men feel that they control women and openly use language to that effect?

Of course, one should point out that women, too, objectify men and use similarly possessive language. I would argue, however, that this doesn’t make it any healthier or less toxic. (I can’t help but think back to the disturbing objectification of Tongan athlete Pita TaufatofuaIt during the opening ceremonies of the 2016 Olympic Games.) Instead, it is more a reflection of the reality that as women have gained more equality with men, they have increasingly adopted masculine culture and ideology, whereas men have not done the same regarding femininity. 

What we really need is a complete abandonment of the culture of objectification and possessiveness toward fellow human beings. Relationships, whether within or across genders, need to be based on principles of mutual respect, not on unequal power dynamics. This is particularly true for the interpersonal relationships in the workplace and other professional settings. In particular, women are still relatively new to these environments, and many men have yet to fully treat women as the colleagues that they are. Broadly speaking, these principles should apply to all interpersonal relationships and life partnerships, as I have written before.

Additionally, society itself needs to take measures to protect women from being controlled and exploited by men. We need to ensure that women are paid equally to men, and that their wages are not dependent on the tips of leering, groping customers. We need for women to have complete control over their bodies, not just in their access to reproductive services like contraception and abortion but also by ensuring that men practice consent in their sexual encounters. We also need to ensure that women who do bring forward allegations of domestic violence, sexual harassment and sexual assault are treated seriously, that the charges are investigated fully, and that perpetrators are held accountable for their actions.

Ultimately, the problem lies not so much in men as in the cult of masculinity that they have adopted, of which objectification and possessiveness are major components. Only when we tear down this ideology can we truly begin to break the stranglehold of patriarchy in our society.

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