On Objectification and Possessiveness

One of the major consequences of patriarchy in our society is the dehumanization and objectification of women. Despite decades of feminists working to tear down sexism and misogyny, far too many men still treat women as sexual objects to be used primarily for their sexual gratification. Following from this objectification is a possessive attitude toward women, in which men believe that they can “own” or “possess” women. Thus men attempt to assert their control and dominance over women - often using their elevated standing within society to do so.

The #MeToo movement has helped to shine a light on this toxic power dynamic between men and women. We have seen case after case of men who have acted upon this possessive attitude and used the power they have over women to exploit them to satisfy their own sexual impulses. Women ranging from Hollywood actresses to Olympic athletes saw their careers threatened with ruin unless they complied with the wishes of their male superiors and authority-figures. Moreover, it must be understood that this behavior has affected women of all classes, perhaps even more so those on the lower rungs of society. Women in the restaurant industry, for instance, face harassment on a constant basis, yet feel they have little ability to respond because doing so could threaten their tip-dependent wages. All of this occurs because women are viewed as objects to be owned and controlled, not fellow human beings to be treated with - at the very least - respect. 

This culture of possessiveness is also very evident in the casual language used around human relationships. It seems that no one ever stops and thinks what phrases such as “my girl”, “my baby”, and “she’s mine” really mean in the context of romance and sexuality. Unfortunately, they are more accurate they we would care to admit in describing how men too often view their female partners. Why, then, should we be surprised by the prolific nature of domestic violence and sexual assault in a society where men feel that they control women and openly use language to that effect?

Of course, one should point out that women, too, objectify men and use similarly possessive language. I would argue, however, that this doesn’t make it any healthier or less toxic. (I can’t help but think back to the disturbing objectification of Tongan athlete Pita TaufatofuaIt during the opening ceremonies of the 2016 Olympic Games.) Instead, it is more a reflection of the reality that as women have gained more equality with men, they have increasingly adopted masculine culture and ideology, whereas men have not done the same regarding femininity. 

What we really need is a complete abandonment of the culture of objectification and possessiveness toward fellow human beings. Relationships, whether within or across genders, need to be based on principles of mutual respect, not on unequal power dynamics. This is particularly true for the interpersonal relationships in the workplace and other professional settings. In particular, women are still relatively new to these environments, and many men have yet to fully treat women as the colleagues that they are. Broadly speaking, these principles should apply to all interpersonal relationships and life partnerships, as I have written before.

Additionally, society itself needs to take measures to protect women from being controlled and exploited by men. We need to ensure that women are paid equally to men, and that their wages are not dependent on the tips of leering, groping customers. We need for women to have complete control over their bodies, not just in their access to reproductive services like contraception and abortion but also by ensuring that men practice consent in their sexual encounters. We also need to ensure that women who do bring forward allegations of domestic violence, sexual harassment and sexual assault are treated seriously, that the charges are investigated fully, and that perpetrators are held accountable for their actions.

Ultimately, the problem lies not so much in men as in the cult of masculinity that they have adopted, of which objectification and possessiveness are major components. Only when we tear down this ideology can we truly begin to break the stranglehold of patriarchy in our society.